Feature Tracks #4

The Straight Skinny

A Radt Tale:

If you've raced the Dastard lately, it wasn't me in the car. It seems LK is paying me these days to practice and run little pretend races for him. Personally I think it's cheating and creating wrong impressions. To say nothing 'bout ruining my reputation. Let's make this clear: Radt gives nothing away. Radt is about winning at all costs. Radt is "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!". I'm being tainted every time he runs in my car. All this nice guy stuff sickens me. I'll tell you straight, clean racing + consistent lines = 4th place. Every time. LPI (Laps Per Incident) is 72? Gimme a break. My LPI ratio is 1:1 or I'm not driving hard enough.

It's getting real hard to tell who's who in the car. Well, I'll give you a hint. He's the nice guy and I'm the black-hat champion. In fact I'm getting a new helmet to make sure you have enough warning when you're racing me. But believe me, when I'm on the track you'll know. And you won't hear no whiney baby stuff from me either. A guy gets whacked, he's ok, he pulls back on the track into the groove, he gets whacked again. It happens so get over yerself. Yer slow, someone else is fast, he's gonna move you. You play, you pay.

LK Response:

Radt should drive demo's. As in demolition derbies. Maybe he doesn't care about reputation but I've got Nascar and sponsors to think about. I know it's confusing but I've had to sit the Dastard down lately. His name is still in the driver's standings (for the points) but we need to finish some races without doughnuts covering all the sponsors names. And without fines for conduct unbecoming of the gentleman's sport of motorcar racing.

Our job here is to run as many tracks as we can and document them. Our job is not to be #1. Radt is a typical driver--when he gets into the heat of battle he forgets to look at the big picture.

Radt On The Flip Side:

The "Big Picture"? Notice how ever' week someone is talking 'bout the big picture? Why dontcha draw it for me in yer colorin' book. And sponsors? For cripes sake, who are they? Maybe you can draw some of them too. Buy one of them jumbo packs of crayolas and draw ya some sponsors. Draw me a picture of some money too so I can be reminded of what that was like.

Ok, do the normal thing. No, not that normal thing! Who are ya, Neil and Bob? Or is that what ya do? Go to yer left for the new track links. Buncha pervs I swear.